I have a tendency to give myself credit for most things that happen to me, especially the bad.
I am not being hard on myself. I just have a strong belief that life rarely ever just happens to me. More often than not, I create the circumstances in which life is allowed to happen.
In adverse situations, I’m usually more angry with myself than anyone else. You might recognize this feeling. It can begin with a sense of blame toward some other party and develop into a realization that you could have avoided all of it….
IF ONLY YOU HAD BEEN A BIG GIRL/BOY AND STOOD THE HELL UP FOR YOURSELF!!
No, I do not mean always being ready to argue or fight.
I do mean being an active participant in your own life.
This can mean anything from your choice in mood to your choice in what to accept from people.
We have a lot more control than we like to take credit for. Control comes with accountability so it’s easier to reject it. That way, we won’t have to blame ourselves when life goes wrong.
Active participation starts with being honest with yourself
Stop tricking yourself into believing what you wish to be true instead of reality.
Stop trying to convince yourself you’re okay with anything that doesn’t feel right.
Stop “going with the flow”.
Dishonesty is the ultimate “going with the flow” move. You are allowing your life to be a comfortable fantasy instead of assuming your true role in it. Life isn’t just happening, therefore you’re passively contributing to it even when you’re just going with the flow. You’re simply waiving your right to a say in the outcome.
On a serious note, why wouldn’t you want a say in the outcome especially if you are a woman?
As a black woman living in 21st century USA, I aim to exercise control over my life every chance I get! I do it in memory of all the women before me who couldn’t and those who still can’t today.
Being honest with yourself gives you the confidence to trust in you:
Trust is built on honesty. How can you trust yourself when you feed yourself lies? Dishonesty creates mistrust in your relationship with yourself. Honesty fosters trust in that relationship.
As a result, you become more confident in your intuition. You become more adept at detecting and accepting your truth, emotions, and wants.
The ability to trust yourself gives you the courage to take initiative:
Not only do you have to live with your choices, you also have to live with those you don’t make.
Ever told yourself something would get better and it didn’t?
Or, ever done something to avoid an adverse consequence all the while you’re miserable doing it?
Confidence in your intuition gives you the courage to take initiative because you can trust you know what is best. You can trust yourself to live on your own terms, make decisions, voice your opinions, and create your own rules.
This is called standing up for yourself!
It helps you avoid resentment or worst: the starring role in a play called “life’s victim”
One of the respondents to my ‘why do you apologize?’ survey answered:
JT “ I tend to put myself in other people’s shoes, sometimes I can be a bit cruel but when I catch myself or realize I am causing someone some type of downfall I apologize. Realizing you did something wrong and owning up to it shows character”
Isn’t it cruel to not stand up for yourself. Aren’t you causing yourself harm when you choose to be passive and play life’s victim?
When you realize the harm you cause, doesn’t owning up to it show character?
Apologize! Accept your apology! Be ruthless when you stand up for yourself!