You owe yourself an apology: Intro

DG:  “When I think I hurt someone’s feelings. When I know for sure I did something wrong and I feel bad about it”.

BT:  “When I know I’m at fault”

I asked a few people why they apologize to others and as expected, all the answers were some variation of a need to express remorse.

I did something (act)+ I don’t feel right about it (remorse)= I apologize (Expression)

While the answers gave me a clear understanding as to why people apologize, most of them didn’t tell me what people get out of it. The answers seemed to shy away from any self-serving reasoning while focusing on simply expressing remorse. I understand the need to express remorse, but what is the motive behind it? 

SP: “ Apologizing is essentially when you hurt or do wrong to someone and feel remorse so you apologize. Sometimes, we don’t even know why we’re apologizing but do it because we feel like that’s what we need to do”

 I’ll  make a general guess that people are motivated to apologize to make themselves and the other party feel better. If that is true, why is it so hard to use this remedy for ourselves? why do we do everything else except apologize to ourselves to quench our own need to feel better? 

Isn’t it weird if you apologize to other people more often than you ever- if at all- apologize to yourself?

 How can you never commit remorseful acts toward yourself, but find the time to commit them toward others? I can barely imagine the possibility.

If you can feel remorse to the point where you need to express it to another person, don’t you (out of love and respect) owe yourself the same courtesy?


CR: “It’s mostly out of habit. Sometimes though, it’s a way for me to acknowledge my mistakes, keep myself humble, because I know I’m stubborn and oblivious at times”

Before you can apologize or even feel remorse you must first acknowledge the harm caused by your actions. This acknowledgement is especially tricky because we assume we love ourselves too much to hurt ourselves. At the risk of sounding cliché, those whom you love the most can hurt you the most; yes! this applies to yourself as well. 

As a result of our assumption, we subconsciously dismiss the harmfulness of our actions and can’t feel any remorse for them.    


I did something (act)+  this part of the equation is missing = do everything else except apologize. 

In my own journey to recognize when I have hurt myself, I’ve identified situations when I owe myself an apology. Stay tuned as I share them with you in this series. 

It’s always a pleasure, until next time!





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